


grace

by orphan_account



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Drabble, M/M, the messiest mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-05 00:58:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11566998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A boy who likes boys is a dead boy, unless he keeps quiet, they say. (Hansol shuts up about it, for what it's worth.)





	grace

**Author's Note:**

> hi it's me againnn !!!  
> tbh this work isn't very Coherent n was more of a stream of consciousness thing...,, it's basically hansol trying to make sense of the nuances of ~love~ n all + there's not much of a plot to it but i hope you like it anyway!
> 
> (also, this was loosely inspired by the first part of A Primer For The Small Weird Loves by Richard Siken, and [this cut out poem](https://hellopoetry.com/poem/2042985/cut-out-poetry/) i made a while back)

_the universe is twice as big as we think it is_  
_and 'you are so important to me'_  
_is easier to digest than_  
_skipping heart beats_

_-_

It starts out small - how your heart skips a beat every time Chan laughs, or how your skin tingles with every touch.

An uncomfortable feeling settles in your gut. (You choose to ignore it, because Chan is far too important for you to risk losing. This is not a game you'd want to play. So you shove it all down, make sure Chan never notices how a blush creeps up your cheeks and how it feels as if your heart is going to crawl out of your mouth.)

The feeling grows and catches up to you, much like everything else you've tried to suppress. It leaves you breathless and flustered, lying awake in the middle of the night wondering how things ended up like this.

Maybe it's because you got too close for comfort.

Maybe it's because you didn't put your walls up.

Or maybe, just maybe, this was meant to happen. Maybe it has been long overdue.

Maybe you're supposed to feel like this.

 

-

_i miss you like a dart hits the iris of a bullseye,_  
_or a train ticket screams 4:30 at 4:47,_  
_and_  
_i've fallen in love_

 

-

The cliche 'falling-for-your-best-friend' trope has never been kind to anybody.

A boy who likes boys is a dead boy, unless he keeps quiet, they say.

You shut up about it, for what it's worth.

(Your other friends notice how you vehemently deny that you're in love with Chan, but they don't say anything. You know in your heart that you're thankful.)

You don't tell anybody about the fact that you adore Chan with all that you are, that your entire existence might as well be a love letter to the younger boy. You don't tell anybody how your heart aches with every smile and every laugh directed at you because you know it never means more than you hope it would. You don't tell anybody how scared you are of losing him because he feels like coming home. He's familiar, comfortable, a grounding force that keeps you intact when things get out of control.

You keep quiet and hope that things stay the same. And they do.

-

Chan is the star that guides you home. He is the moon, watching over you and letting you win over your loneliness. He is the sun - burning, beautiful, bright - and you want to reach out and touch him and be set alight. You want to be the ashes that glitter around him, if only to make him more beautiful than he already is.

You find comfort in the realization that your heart has crawled out of you a long time ago and now has made itself a home in Chan's hands - you don't mind. You never will, because you know Chan will take care of it. He always does.

 -

 _you're the only one that made that idea_  
_less devastating._

**Author's Note:**

> hums. i guess i kinda left that open ended/ambiguous,,, aaa i do have an idea of what would happen after hehe


End file.
